"A strange calm possessed me. I thought more clearly than I had ever thought before - as if my mind were bathed in a brilliant light."

The meeting with the dietitian went very well. I came out of her office with a sense that this is the path I should go. If nothing gets in the way, I will have lap band surgery as soon as all the pre-op steps have been taken.

Since that meeting I've had some blood work and a gall bladder ultrasound (surgeon required it), scheduled the necessary meeting with the psychologist, made an appointment with my cardiologist and scheduled the endoscopy for my esophagus. All of these are the remainder of the pre-op for me; not all of it is standard.

Now that I'm content with the decision to get the lap band I want it to happen soon. I want to get on track for my health and overall well-being. I'm now mindful of food and drink in ways I've never been before. I will never be able, nor do I want to be able, to eat the way I have for the past many years. As a friend of mine, who had gastric bypass last year said, "everything you think  you'll miss pales in comparison to the weight loss you'll experience." I don't expect to never be able to have a Godiva chocolate truffle again, but I do expect to have only a bite of one satisfy a chocolate craving.

I'm not deluded into thinking weight loss surgery is the magic fix-all. It will only be a tool; I need to be in control at all times and make this a success for myself.

What do I want out of lap band surgery? I want to feel and be healthy, I want to move around in the world without taking up so much space, I want to look on the outside the way I feel on the inside, I want the nice clothes I buy to fit and look good on me. I want to improve my quality of life.