"Almost beyond the imagination . . . A strange adventure into the unknown!"

Tomorrow is my first real step toward weight loss surgery--tomorrow I see the dietitian. It is required by my insurance company and, actually, something I need to do to get my mind around what I'm proposing to do. Lap band surgery. Safer and less drastic than bypass surgery, while overall, equally successful.

Two years ago this October my cardiologist spoke a term with which I was unfamiliar. "Bariatric surgery." I had to ask him to define it, and when he did, I was stunned. Sure, I was overweight, but I'd never considered that someone my size would need, much less be qualified for, weight loss surgery. I determined to work on losing weight myself, once again.

How many diets and eating plans have I been on for the past 25+ years? I've lost track...but what I haven't lost is weight, or at least, not for the long-term. Never one to stuff my face with a box of cookies, a bag of chips, or a half-gallon (or even a pint!) of ice cream, I would gain weight simply by eating like everyone around me who didn't gain weight. Looking at me, though, one would think I'm sitting in front of my TV snarfing down fried chicken or a platter of nachos. People look at me and I know they're thinking, "Lack of self-control."

Last January I hit my all-time high weight. I can't even write it down yet. A year and a half since my introduction to the concept of bariatric surgery, in January I went to a bariatric surgery informational seminar. Still not totally convinced, I kicked things into high gear and went on a controlled-carb diet of my own design. With having taken time off the diet for special occasions I've still lost 20 lbs. in four months. This short journey has taken me toward a much longer one--after the seminar in January I consulted with a different surgeon from a large, prestigious hospital on the East Coast. Large, and impersonal. I told a friend I felt like I was on a conveyor belt in a weight-loss factory. The lack of connection with who I am and what I wanted from surgery made me realize this was not where I wanted to go to change my life. In addition to the impersonal approach I also felt pushed toward gastric bypass, which was not what I wanted. The doctor's assistant finally asked me, if the doctor recommended bypass, what would I do? I answered that I wouldn't have surgery at all then. She seemed to perceive a lack of commitment on my part since I wouldn't get on board with re-routing my digestive system.

So I took the next step. I went back to the surgeon who conducted the seminar in January. This consultation was in stark contrast to the other experience. Relaxed, conversational, and encouraging, this surgeon made me feel as if the surgery was about ME, not about a particular procedure. I began to feel more comfortable with what I was considering.

So, tomorrow--dietitian. The single step.