"Maybe the best way to begin is to start thinking about the future. "

The past few weeks I've had sudden moments of introspection. Rather unexpectedly, all of the negative physical aspects of being Large have become crystal clear. Walking into a restaurant and hoping to be seated at a table, not a booth; taking a tour of an historical building and hoping I can make it up the stairs; letting my husband get me food at a buffet because who wants to see the fat woman filling her plate?--all of these things I've dealt with over the past 15 or so years to the point where I've allowed myself to become immune to them. Now I'm seeing them all with my eyes wide open. This is what I've been willing to settle for? Is this all I want out of life? Looking through a catalog of lovely clothes, and the first thing I look for is if they come in 3x/4x or bigger. They don't. I can't wear those lovely things. The Larger I've become, the smaller my life has become.

Today I had my first visit to the dietitian. I wasn't sure what to expect, so there was a little anxiety. Would I have to be weighed? Why didn't I drink more water this morning so I wouldn't weigh as much? What would she tell me about what my life was to become, post-surgery? I had pre-conceived notions of all I'd have to give up regarding food. Some of what I'd read on the internet had me concerned. Would I have to eat mushy food from now on? Would I have to give up wine, which my husband and I enjoy so much? Would I be actually starving my body in order to get thin?

I'm relieved to say that the consultation with the dietitian was a very positive experience. She was very low-key, which I appreciated, but insistent on being sure I understood some very important information. The required intake of water, protein, nutritional supplements--none of it is alien to me and reflects some of what I've been trying to do on my own. She took me through what to expect and what is required for the first several months post-surgery. What I had in my head really had little to do with reality, it appeared. At some point I'll be able to eat the same food as everyone else, but in very, very small quantities. Rather than having a future of deprivation, I'll have a future of conservative moderation. Looking ahead, I can see that my nutritional needs will be met, as well as my social needs with regard to food when eating out, and my health needs will be met as I successfully lose weight. I came out of that meeting feeling nearly giddy with relief! I can see this working for me. I can see myself being contented and successful.

Oh, and by the way--I wasn't weighed. Happy me  :-)